The Panama Papers leak is the David Cameron scandal everyone expected, and that’s why it’s so damaging.

Sometimes when you look at David Cameron, it’s like fasting forward into a future where somebody has designed a robot to be the perfect Prime Minister. That’s not meant in a disparaging way. Some political robots, like America’s Marco Rubio for example, would give anything to be as well-programmed as David Cameron. Or they would, if robots could experience human emotion.

The image the public have of Cameron is that of a steady hand. A favourite of the establishment who has taken charge in the aftermath of the worst financial crisis since 1929 in order to prevent any significant political earthquakes, and hopefully keep the British people content in the process. Generally, it’s been a job well done.

But does he have to be so very predictable all the time? It’s hard to think of any time the Prime Minister has thrown his full weight behind an initiative in the face of serious and powerful opposition. In short, the sort of moments Margaret Thatcher lived for just don’t come around under the Cameron administration. In fact I’d go as far as to say the last time he even came out with a surprising opinion was ‘hug a hoodie‘ back in 2006.

Somehow, pig-related university incidents aside, Cameron has also managed to put a ring of steel around his private life – which is quite an achievement in the social media era. Nobody has the slightest inkling of what his hobbies might be or even what sort of things he likes to talk about away from the public eye.

And this is why the Panama Papers affair is so damaging.

When a man, particularly the Prime Minister, has no known private life and no strong opinions, people will naturally fill in the blanks. Tax avoidance and offshore investment funds in Panama fit the bill perfectly for this man of the establishment.

It’s not that David Cameron has legally done anything wrong, in fact he almost certainly hasn’t. But he is guilty of being everything we, the public, expected him to be.

Every leader has to deal with a juicy scandal at some point, but did it have to be such a predictable one?

Seriously ‘Call Me Dave’, if you want some tips on the ‘right’ kind of scandal, look across the Channel at French President Francois Hollande.

A man perhaps even more aloof than Cameron, Hollande got MORE popular after having an affair. The French looked at this dull, geeky character and thought ‘Thank God, he’s one of us!’.

Now obviously Cameron shouldn’t go and have an affair, that’s way too French. Therefore he needs to think of a more British type of scandal, and it can’t be too upper class.

So this is my proposal Dave, how about you head over to Aston Villa or West Ham, whichever team it is you support these days, and get caught on camera swearing your head off at the referee. Then we’d soon forget about the whole Panama business.